you are in the exact place at the right exact moment.
do not stress the small things such as income, where you are going to live in the next coming months, or even the fact that you are turning 20-something in less than 4 months. this is not what you envisioned - to feel like you are back in an identical space where you were a year ago. YOU AREN'T. do you know how far you've come? how much you've grown mentally and spiritually? there is a new essence about you; forgiveness is bed of petals you've made that outlines your bones. words of life leave your tongue easier now. you're down to a size 6! and even the waist isn't sticking to your waist as you thought it would. you've been pushing yourself every day to do things - even if they are small things - to get you where you want to be. you hosted your first @ntflwr event and received a shitload of good feedback! look at god.
...and your pride?
meh, well, you're working on it.
woman up and call DJ2 and let him know it's still love. forgive Marc and move on. don't have a man tell you more than once he doesn't want you. want yourself first. because you're fine, girl. and loyal. and smart. and have a lot to offer.
you're becoming the woman you need to be - for your family and friends, but most importantly for yourself. you're sitting in a café right now pulling an all-nighter because you believe in yourself again. there is a vision that cannot leave you no matter the fires that burn your motivation on days of still movement, or even the shattered pieces of your heart that fall under your feet when you try to walk towards your purpose. you STILL have the vision. and that's the biggest first step that anyone can take.
do not give up. keep going. you've made it this far. you are where you need to be, to be a light to your baby sister, to help your father on his journey to self-love and weight loss, and to teach your mother how to give birth (to herself). continue to be a light and don't get down on yourself when you fuck up. take it as an opportunity to grow and keep going.
email those people you've been meaning to email. call your friends and tell them you love them despite yourself. take responsibility for your actions and apologize. keep going.
you're doing great, girl.