note to self 005.
so we meet again in the garden of your mind. around me, i see that there are symphonies of color stretching towards the sky and dancing between winds. i look up towards the sky and see your efforts of self-love, healing, and becoming materialized as silk petals, as a living thing. there are less weeds in your garden - the soil is being turned and tended to. looks like you're doing a damn good job.
i know that dark clouds still find their way to your throat on the days your voice needs to be heard the most. the words that you planted so delicately inside of you yearn to emerge as a song, a poem, or a page in your book. sometimes they emerge as rain in your chest, and that's okay. you're beginning to understand the difference between a storm in isolation and the rain to cleanse during solitude.
it's been in my heart to tell you that there is no need to hide yourself anymore. shame needs to be evicted from the premises. what are you shameful of? your perceived "lack of accomplishments"? your body? your past? being a stranger to those around you but feeling even more isolated from yourself? these are processes that can be broken down. burned. to dust. only you have the ability to make yourself feel inferior - and that should never be an offering you present to yourself in the mirror.
exalt your own name.
chant the praises of admiration to your reflection.
free yourself from your past.
i know it's hard to understand the how, the when, and the where. but you know the what and the why. place the burden of heaviness up the river and allow it to find its way back to you as energy transferred. let your tongue only taste words of honey and gold - speak life into your situation.
as for the cycles:
love will always find you. stop chasing the rain looking for diamonds. stop looking into flames looking for a reflection of your father. stop kissing lips that lie to you. your grandmother told you to not put a knife in the fruit before it's ripe; it spoils the chance of nectar.
you've learned that the art of never explaining yourself is like water for your soul. remind yourself of your boundaries and assert them in your walk, in your hips, in the nape of your neck. you no longer need words to cast away demons. wear the self-awareness as a perfume and part the seas as you go. stop fact checking with others who do not wear your skin. your voice is bigger than yourself so the overstay of its welcome in someone else's radius will confuse the god in your reflection. this journey is bigger than you, but remember that this is not a burden to carry but a weight to balance your thoughts.
focus on becoming, rather than doing or receiving. that is where you will learn that everything you need, is right at home in your own garden.