note to self 004.
things have been silent lately: the number code to my portal has been changed without public announcement. there are less knocks at the door. less alarms to snooze. less hands to reclaim my time from. the word Friend grew legs and ran to redefine itself. i'm chasing after its breadcrumbs to see where it takes me.
things have been extremely loud lately: god's alarm. the jingling and tinking of my soul tools in my journey's luggage. my truth, written in red lipstick on my mirror. words that died in my throat, being watered by wine, are coming alive to have me drunk at the mouth. i've been saying what i mean lately in more ways than one. speaking languages that i buried before to appease others. clippings of my wings are re-emerging from dead soil.
another cycle is here. and i can't help but ask: is this what ascension is? in hindsight, whenever i find myself growing into a new space of consciousness, people begin to disappear. whether it's self-inflicted (spiritual solitude and changing my number) or involuntary (people showing their second face behind the mask) it is a pattern that i am now paying attention to.
is this what ascension is? to feel like everything around you is crumbling. cycling.
ascension is painful, but so, so beautiful.
i just want to tell myself these things:
you don't need to demolish bridges in order for people to not have access to you. you don't need to feel guilty for speaking what is the truth to you in the moment. you don't need to apologize for not picking up the phone + not calling back. especially when you know the energy is the devil's grin. there is no reason you should feel uncomfortable in your own skin. you are light. your body belongs to you and it is not a reward for half-loving men. stick to your word. take your own advice. swallow the words that you give to others and digest them. be your own savior, your own healer. stop forgetting the magic in your hands and the wisdom in the crevices of your spirit. remember who you are, even when the silence is loud enough to deceive you. take honor in yourself, your future, and your purpose and be more consistent. be more diligent in your actions. you cannot depend on others to create your vision for you - and respect them for that. it gives you more space to build your muscles of resilience. never forget who you are, your gifts, or what you're meant to do. darkness needed to happen so all the stars could fall into place.