note to self 003. • "every day is judgment day."
is it okay if i call you love? you have a habit of calling me out of my name. and i to you - referring to me as "bitch" or other unkind words that don't fit well on y(our) tongue. i want to address you as love, as queen, as beautiful. i want to be able to look in the mirror and give you a crown of pretty thoughts, even more beautiful words, and terms of endearment that match the light you are. you told Jamaan yesterday that you wanted to sacrifice the ugliness that has been given home in your life. let's start by calling the woman in the mirror by a name that fits her. you call everyone else beautiful but yourself. you call everyone "sis" and "love" besides the woman who wears your skin as wardrobe. it's time you recognize yourself as these things. reflect the love you give to others to yourself. return home with a bouquet of flowers for yourself.
you are learning that every moment is a pivotal moment in your growth. "every day is judgment day." every moment you take a breath, you have the choice to live in truth or hide in fear. you have the choice to align with who you truly want to become, or succumb to the low vibrations that can swallow us with consent. you just told your best friend that in moments of silence, our own truth becomes louder. why do you hide from the volumes of your words? it's time to face the echoes of silence. they will test you. they will try to consume you. they will try to trick, deceive, and tempt you into the traps that no longer serve you. be resilient. embrace the silence. let it hug you. feel its fire. feel its coldness. be still in all its motion and find peace. move through the stillness and remember to feel your own bones. become one with the silences. are you okay with being alone? what are you willing to sacrifice to get where you want to be? the silences are a mirror that will test you, time and time again. this is not an abyss to throw in the key of your faith. this is a black mirror to find your reflection, over and over again, until it becomes easier each time. you are meant to be great. don't let the darkness of silence deter you from your light.
i'm proud of you. you have been following a routine of turning your phone off at night to give you the first breath of morning to yourself. keep feeding your mind, breathing deep, and educating yourself. work only becomes work when you are trying to take from deficit. fill yourself whole - overflow - so it is not work, but ease. you will be able to give yourself to your work with limbs of passion. continue to be good to yourself so you can be good to your craft. when you try to operate from a deficit, that is when your work becomes inauthentic. continue to feed yourself and take care of you. you are already rich - rich in spirit, rich in love. the money will come. trust.
strategize more. follow through on what you say you want to do. get out of your comfort zone. don't let the anxiety of leaving the house trip you back into habit. talk to everyone with a smile. remember your purpose when doubt tickles the back of your neck with whispers of temptation. remember your purpose. remember your purpose. remember your purpose.
i don't tell you enough, but i love you. i am proud of you. your beauty glows a bit differently when you operate in your truth. trademark your truth.