watering seeds: a friendship guide.

because of the ability to unfollow people, block them, or mute them on social media, there has become this strange belief that you can do the same in waking life. there's this illusion that we can simply curate our lives based on eliminating folks. the problematic logic behind this is that you're escaping confrontation of certain people, issues, and hurdles in our life that, essentially, help us grow as people.

i used to try to evict myself out of certain friendships because i claimed that they were always negative or that they weren't allowing me to grow. i used the whole "it's time to be selfish" motto to try and justify these thoughts and actions of mine. at a point i really believed that just cutting people off, changing your number, and disappearing was the best defense mechanism for your sacred energy. for your happiness. (little did i know.) yes, it's true-- releasing yourself from situations or unions that don't water you and your internal seeds is necessary. all the way. energies that make you get off the pedestal of your higher self, bring you pain, etc. are to be left in the dust. but just recently, i had to unlearn a few significant things, unwash my brain, and re-evaluate.

 

  1. everyone is a student, everyone is a teacher. you can learn a lesson from literally everyone who walks into your life and they can learn from you. from the person who rudely pushes you out of the way to board the train, to the irate lady going on about her problems, to your sweet grandmother who schools you about folks back in the day. everyone. it might not come in that moment, but everyone carries lessons- in their actions, in their words, in their presence. this is something to remember when you begin relationships with others or find that present unions are somewhat tumultuous. taking a step back and thinking logically about the lesson you can learn, rather with your emotions. it'll save you a few extra woo-sahs and meditations. 
  2. dig for the deeper meaning. if you find yourself forcing a way out of a relationship or that these people keep re-emerging, take a step outside of yourself and ask yourself why. i can think of a past friendship where i consistently put energy into not being a friend, even when they were so good to me. at one point in the friendship, it just felt stagnant. every conversation we had was about their misery and their sadness. so i distanced myself. still, they would appear and continue to be a friend to me despite my indifference. there could be a deepermeaning to these type of people in your life. like in step one, there's something to learn from everyone. even though you distance yourself, maybe the lesson isn't over. hence their subtle returns in your life. i realized this "test" per-se wouldn't disappear until i conquered the meaning. i had to learn to stop giving into the negatives and become a better friend. that was the lesson.
  3. reflection comes in many forms. people act as mirrors of yourself. they can remind you of aspects that you don't like about your internal makeup, characteristics you desire to possess, or exactly who you are in the present moment. how we react to these enigmatic reflections can tell us a lot about ourselves. usually, the reflections are unconscious and we have to figure out for ourselves why we act a certain way towards these people. do we enjoy their company? are they a drain of energy? do we feel like our light dims when they come around? a lot of this can stem from deeper, unconscious feelings of inspiration, envy, insecurities, or resentment. it's up to us to reach into the abyss and decipher these feelings. when we do, it's another lesson to learn about ourselves. 
  4. don't fight the flow. if people truly aren't meant for your story, they usually fade out on their own. so no need to be petty and hit the block button, y'all. everyone has their own unique story. therefore, the character lists, the settings, the plots, they all vary. instead of cutting people off abruptly like i used to do, let the story flow. go with it. learn. grow. if they re-emerge, see #2. if they don't, wish them love on their own journey.
  5. re-define a good friendship. a true, sustaining, friendship (to me) is one where you two go through the bad times together but consistently speak sunrises on your tongues. stop focusing on the darkness and enjoy the aura of the moon. don't get me wrong, venting is natural. a shoulder to lean on is a prereq for a beautiful union. someone to listen, to support, to push. but i've learned that relationships we once called draining can be because we don't know how to maneuver or grow within the relationship. instead of focusing on the negatives, redirect the convo and speak light into each other's souls. work on this together. encourage one another. be love when they lost sight of their own heart's rhythm. remind them of the steps to utopia.oj. ♥

a golden rule: the block button only goes so far on social media, y'all.
another golden rule: people don't say it, but friendships and relationships are work. you must put in effort to make them blossom. water the seeds & watch them grow.